#9 hello, sixteen

dear sixteen-year-old mariana,

your nineteen-year-old self says hi. 

in case you're wondering, yes, you made it into med school. the hours of intense study for your national exams paid off, so did your efforts on gym classes to get a decent grade. you were the 17th to get in. that was awesome, and now that I look back, I'm glad that you worked so hard.

no, you're not too fat to be beautiful. yes, you can eat what you want without anxiety. you don't have to feel guilty for eating all the delicious stuff that you like. the self-hatred will mostly fade away. stop hurting yourself. you are loved. Jesus loves you, even if you don't always remember that.

no, life isn't like "the perks of being a wallflower", your favourite book. some of the people you'd do anything for right now will leave your life as soon as they get the chance. it will break your heart, but you'll make it. hold on to those who stay, open your heart to great new people, and you'll make it.

you're more than a sob story. the past is in the past. stop holding on to the bad things people did to you back then. you are a beautiful firework and you will explode soon enough. don't label yourself as the bullying victim, don't get stuck on the bad thoughts and memories. your friends are hurting too. give them a helping hand, you know we all need it. grow with them. some will leave, but you won't regret it.

no, you're not "disgusting to boys". a year or so from now, this shy, curly-haired, super tall boy will look at you, ask you for your number, call you to go on dates, kiss you for the first time, and make you love him. he will become your safe harbour and your best friend. he will know your heart, the good and the bad, and love you for it. just wait and see.

you need time to yourself. don't worry, it's not just you. your introversion won't keep you from being happy and people won't think less of you if you just don't feel like hanging out one day.

cherish your sister. you will see her grow into a beautiful young woman, with a soft and gentle heart. guide her and help her do the growing up thing better than you did. cherish your parents, they love you so fiercely. cherish your family in general.

you don't know lord of the rings or game of thrones yet, but trust me, you will.

you will find your faith again, and everything will make so much more sense.

you will find your love for photography. you will also keep playing music. also, hang on to your choir friends - they'll give you so much joy and you'll be so happy to be in that group.

dance, sing, play music, read "the perks" countless times on rainy days, watch the movie 10 times, laugh, cry. live your teenage years fully, because they'll help you become me. not that I'm an example of perfect success, but oh well.

write that diary of yours. one day I'll sit on my bed and read it as tears stream down my face with all the nostalgic feelings. it will be so great to remember you and how you thought and felt so deeply.

wear those bow ties on your hair, those sweaters with shirts, the knee socks over your leggings. don't leave the pursuit of uniqueness. fitting in isn't everything.

you are awesomely cool, girl. I liked being you. it was great. thanks.

lots of love,

19-year-old Mariana

Hope you liked this sneak peek into my past, once more, for the Blog-tember Challenge. This was a very very personal and meaningful post for me and I loved writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it!