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| That's me, running away from responsibilities. |
Hello buddies! Long time no see!
Right now, I'm on holidays and I have been for a little over a month. I've already spent a week in the north of Portugal sunbathing, swimming and doing photoshoots with my sister, and I've also done a roadtrip across the Netherlands and Germany!
But, before I get to that, I think I'll write about a very difficult time in my life, which was last semester, and how I overcame it keeping most of my sanity!
That semester was, academically, the MOST difficult I've ever had. Most of the subjects were not very interesting (I only enjoyed studying one of them) and they were all REALLY hard. Even some of those subjects which may seem easy at a distance brought me a lot of hardships. They required a lot of time and hard work, and, because I didn't find them as interesting as other semesters, I couldn't pay as much attention as I used to.
At the same time, I was practising for my piano exam, which I ended up failing. I gave up a lot of my "free" time for that exam, only to end up 7 points away from my grade 8 certification. However, I've sort of come to peace with the fact that I don't play for the diploma. Piano is a passion of mine, something that helps keeping me sane, and it shouldn't become another source of anxiety like it did this semester, only to break my heart in the end. I hope in the future I can find opportunities to play in public, but in the meantime, I'll keep playing just for the sake of it.
I also did volunteering as a part of my course. It was not an easy journey because, in this AWFUL semester, it took up a lot of my time, and my volunteering partner was not enthusiastic at all, which at first kind of deflated my excitement. We did volunteering at the hospital and our task was mainly to engage in conversation with the patients, which did not come to me as naturally as I'd hope. However, like everything in life, I got used to it and eventually learned to talk naturally. Despite a rocky start, I had a great experience, I met the loveliest volunteers, who were really friendly to us, and I think I learned a lot about how to be useful to people in the hospital context.
By Easter, I was this close to a mental breakdown. I made a big list of things to do: catching up on subjects, writing essays and doing presentations, studying for the piano exam... then I woke up on the first day of holidays, COMPLETELY sick. I ended up sleeping constantly for four days, unable to talk, with a bad pharyngitis. When I finally felt better physically, I panicked because I had accomplished nothing and there was no time. I was so anxious I could not organize myself, I ended up procrastinating and watching loads of TV instead of studying. For a month or so after that, I felt as if I was constantly stuck in the train tracks, waiting for the train to run me over.
I kept going. I kept trying to revise, doing my essays and presentations, practising my piano pieces for 2h a day. And eventually I checked stuff off my to-do list. I can't say that those were happy times but I looked ahead (like Daenerys said, "If I look back I am lost") and got stuff done.
Then, exams came and thankfully, I passed every subject with good grades!! :D
From this very hard semester I learned that being organized is ideal! But sometimes stuff doesn't happen the way we want it to, and that doesn't mean it's all ruined. One day at the time, one thing at the time, even the most enormous to-do list can get done.
There were also very nice moments this semester, don't get me wrong! I went to quite a few parties, I threw a dinner party at my house for my class, I celebrated my birthday, and I strengthened many friendships. That was very important especially because I had recently gone through a breakup and needed some support and reassurance!
In the end, I can say that I survived a very hard semester and that it made me stronger and more ready to deal with stressful situations in the future!
lots of love,
Mariana
