BLOGMAS - A Letter to Autumn

Dear Autumn,

You've come and gone again this year and you're still my favourite season.
I want to apologize to you, first of all, if I was too busy to live you as fully as I wanted. Sometimes my mind seems to become so foggy that I only see my to-do list and not the beautiful colours of the leaves.

Thank you, Autumn. Thank you for making the trees so beautiful that, whenever I'm in the car with my parents or my friend Rita, I point at them and say "Look at the beautiful trees!". Thank you for the man who sells chestnuts at the door of the Hospital, the smoke and the smell completing the beautiful setting of the red and orange trees.

Thank you for the beautiful pink, orange, red sunsets. Thank you for making them so beautiful that I have to stop whatever I'm doing to look at them. And, if that makes me a crazy person, I'm so glad that I'm crazy enough to look closely at beautiful things.

Thank you for warm drinks, shared with friends at coffee shop tables, along with deep conversations. Thank you for those friends and those conversations that fill my soul.

Thank you for Halloween, that weekend when I was feeling anxious beyond measure, but getting to celebrate Halloween, my sister's birthday and Ana's birthday took my mind off things and made me feel sane enough to make it through the rest of the semester.

Thank you for the beginning of the Christmas season. For the lights in the street, for the beautiful Christmas tree I made with my family, for the Christmas shopping that I'm proud to have completed before today, the day you leave.

Thank you for amazing movies, beautiful books, trips to the library, study afternoons, acoustic music, walks with a camera in my hand.

Thank you, Autumn. See you next year!

BLOGMAS - I am really, really thankful.

As a medical student, I live a stressful life. There are lectures to attend, books to study, deadlines to make. This stressful lifestyle is so glorified that sometimes I feel like there's some kind of competition, on who feels more stress and who suffers more because of it.

My life made me a very optimistic person and someone who looks for peace even if everything seems to be falling apart. When my anxiety comes by to say hello, I know that I have to do something to not let it win. And one of those things, for me, is practising thankfulness. I thank God for a lot of stuff daily, especially when I'm not feeling that good.

I'm thankful for:

the financial means to study something I love

my perseverance to keep doing it no matter how hard it gets

my true friendships

Christmas season, Secret Santa dinners and choosing gifts for people I love

the financial means to be able to give presents to those I love most

my loving family

cats

the existence of music to keep me sane

books

having access to a huge library where I can get more books

coffee and tea

cakes, muffins, pancakes, crepes, scones and chocolate

being able to watch football matches

having my driver's license and being able to drive my mum's car

but also riding the bus

Facebook conversations with my friends

Pilates classes

my health

being able to afford clothes I feel comfortable and good-looking in

my ability to sing decently

my positivity

I could go on and on, but then you people would get tired, so that's it for now!

lots of love,

Mariana

BLOGMAS - It's Christmas Time in the City

Today I went downtown to see the Christmas lights and it filled my heart with joy!

I live in such a beautiful city, and today the weather was not too cold, so the streets were filled with people. I could feel the Christmas spirit in the air!

Here are some pics of it:

lots of love,

Mariana

BLOGMAS - Nico the Cat

In this post I'm going to talk about my favourite feline, Nico!

Nico is my neighbour's cat. This lady has a lot of pets, and she allows her cats to wander around the neighbourhood as they like. They know where their home is and they always come back 😊

Nico is known by pretty much everyone, because he's a really nice cat. He loves to get cuddles from pretty much everyone, and, besides, he's SO CUTE!

He has been "visiting" us for about 4 years now, but he only began to spend more time with us last summer, when we started letting him inside our house.

Nico loves:

- sleeping on the sofa

- food (especially chasing food he's not supposed to eat)

- cuddling with people, even strangers

- lying on the floor so that people can rub his belly

- sitting on my notebooks/laptop/whatever I'm doing so that I can pay attention to him instead

- chasing bugs or little things that move

- trying to get inside people's beds or under blankets

- scratching the sofa

Nico doesn't like:

- other cats (he screams at them)

- he's not very fond of children

- loud noises

- the Christmas tree (it scares him)

He's pretty much the joy of this house right now! I'm so happy that we get to play with him, because I've never had a pet (except canaries) and he's so cute and funny!

lots of love,

Mariana

BLOGMAS - November Throwback

Hey lovely folks!
I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I've decided to blog as much as I can in this lovely month of December.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (cue Michael Bublé song in the background) and that makes me feel so very happy, despite the proximity of exams!

To begin with, I'm going to do a small throwback to the month of November, which seemed like a really long month because so much has happened!

November was a month of sunset-watching. I am that person who looks at the sky in awe of the lovely colours and, this past month, I watched really beautiful sunsets + the lovely supermoon, staring at me as I walked home.

It was a month of new friendships and of strengthening ties with people around me. I gained a really close friend in November and I'm really thankful for that. I also reunited with old friends, got to know updates on their lifes and to reminisce about our past, which was lovely! Overall, I'm so glad I have such amazing friendships in my life and I'm thankful that I'm someone who loves people, as it brings me so much joy.

I watched Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with friends and I loved it so much, I'm dying to watch it again. I love how JK Rowling didn't try to make it the new Harry Potter, but created a whole new universe with clever references to the HP one. Newt Scamander is now one of my favourite characters of all time, I love how sweet and caring he is! And I loved the fantastic beasts 😍

I struggled with anxiety and watched my friends go through it too, but I'm learning how to cope with it and how to practice self-care so that I'll feel better, and I try to help my friends do the same.

I worked a lot for college, but I'm so happy that I'm studying to do what I love. I went to a Medical Students Conference and it helped reminding me why I get through months of studying, writing projects and doing exams.

I also spent time with my family and Nico the cat. There's nothing like the comfort of my own home, and I'm thankful that I have somewhere I can feel so warm and cosy.

Good food + good friends make a great life!

lots of love,

Mariana

random facts about me.

1. Despite being Portuguese, I write my blog in English because my goal is not for people I know to read it. Only one of my friends knows about its existence and I feel more comfortable sharing these bits of my soul to strangers on the Internet. (I'd rather talk about stuff face to face than have people I know reading it on my blog)

2. I HAVE TO drive with my windows open. I love feeling the wind on my hair while I'm driving and it makes me feel suffocated to drive with my windows closed.

3. I LOVE peanut butter! It's my favourite comfort food.

4. I hate taking naps. When I was in kindergarten I was the only kid who didn't take a nap. Sleeping in the afternoon makes me feel queasy and takes away all my productivity.

5. When I eat any kind of pie, I open it up, eat the filling, and then the crust.

6. I really, REALLY like football! People never expect that from me, but I do. I watch most of Porto matches and it brings me a lot of joy and suffering!

7. I dislike wearing white pants, I think they look great on everyone else, but I don't like seeing myself in white pants and I feel like every time I wear them, they get dirty in a second.

8. There is a cat in my neighbourhood who pretty much spends most afternoons at my house. It's lovely for me because I love cats and I was never allowed to have pets. (His name is Nico)

9. It's VERY hard to get me drunk. I tell people I have an "iron liver" because when I drink the same amount of alcohol as my friends, most of them get drunker than me!

10. I drink my coffee without any sugar. Once I read something on Facebook that said that people who do that are most likely to become psychopaths. Go figure.

Hope you enjoyed these random facts about moi!
lots of love,
Mariana

Bodypositivitea!

I've decided to join two things I'm very passionate about - body positivity and tea - and make it a thing on my blog. So, whenever I feel like writing about this topic, I will do a Bodypositivitea post! If you're ready, grab your cup and a blanket ;)

Most of my friends at uni are very self-conscious about their bodies. They are ALL very beautiful girls and we compliment each other on a daily basis, while forgetting to compliment ourselves.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, I've struggled a bit with body image issues, and whereas I don't feel all shiny happy about my body everyday (I'm human guys!!) I think I've reached a point where I am okay with how I look, I eat what feels good and I exercise to feel in touch with my body. Here's how it's going:

- I haven't weighed myself in years probably, I don't even own a scale, and I don't care about it. It's not a matter of being unhealthy or not caring about my body. It's because I trust it with the ability of recognizing the nourishment it wants.

- I've been doing Pilates for almost a year and I think I'm getting quite good at it! I'm a perfectionist and I like to be good at everything I do so I'm happy! (For example, I'm a terrible runner and running makes me feel miserable) It makes me feel stronger and more aware of my position. 

- I look in the mirror and I quite like what I see. I pick clothes that I feel powerful and comfortable on. My favourites are skirts and dresses!

- I've fully embraced my voluminous, curly hair. I think that people often tend to dislike the parts of themselves that set them apart from the rest, while I think that those little details make people unique and more fascinating.

- I like to think of myself as a lionhearted woman who is not afraid to be herself, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and that's a BIG progress for me!

To anyone who's reading this: Don't let society or anyone tell you that your body is not good enough, or that you should restrict your eating, your lifestyle and your happiness to be better. You SHALL NOT do that. Eat what you WANT, what your body tells you to eat, exercise because it feels good and makes you breathe better. Even if I have never seen you I'm sure you're a beautiful person and I think you should think so too!

lots of love,

Mariana

single.

(This post is inspired by this video by the youtuber Hannah Witton. I really like her videos, because she's very honest and I appreciate that so much in a person.)

For almost a year, I have been single. I have been single for seventeen years, but that was before I even knew what it meant to fall in love or to be in a relationship.

When I became single, I didn't know how to do it anymore. I had become so entangled in my long-term relationship. I genuinely thought I was going to marry that guy and be with him forever, so, when our relationship ended, I felt lost for a while. Little did I know that this bad experience would make me grow into a more independent and confident woman, and into a better friend. This all came from the fact that I had to fight for myself and it could have happened anyway.

However, my past relationship and breakup are not today's topics. Being single is. Because being single is seen in popular culture as a sad thing, and it doesn't have to be! It doesn't have to be a phase of self-discovery, it doesn't have to be a time to wallow in your loneliness, and it doesn't have to be a time of pining for Mr. Right. It's just a normal phase in which life goes on, with good and bad days as always.

This doesn't mean that I don't feel lonely or wish for a relationship sometimes. I am a very giving person and the idea of loving someone makes me very excited. Besides, many of my close friends are in very happy relationships and sometimes I think, 'Why can't I find someone like that?'. Sometimes I feel bad for feeling that way, because feeling like I "need" a man goes against my feminist values, but then I remember that I'm human and one with a lot of love to give, and that I have the right to feel.

In general, I am a very happy single girl. I have the best friends in the world. I am lucky enough to have a group of friends at college that ALWAYS compliment each other especially when we need a little pick-me-up, and who are honest and caring. I have an amazing, healthy family. I feel very happy with my degree and with being one step closer each day to becoming a doctor. And, even though it would be nice to have a boyfriend, this is a different season and I shall appreciate it for what it is. I am very thankful for my life right now.

I'm excited for what's to come, whatever it is, and I feel proud of myself for being a self-sufficient, independent woman who knows what she wants.

lots of love,

Mariana

the girl who loved autumn.

As you may have noticed in this blog, autumn (fall) is my favourite season.

Everything changes in autumn: a new school year starts, friendships are rekindled, new exciting adventures begin; all of this under beautiful pink sunsets or by the candlelight, wearing a comfy sweater and drinking tea.

To me, it is a season filled with excitement of what's to come. New parties, new friends, new challenges, but also the same old Halloween movies, scones recipes, old sweaters.

lots of love,

Mariana

Blog-tember Day 3 - Summer Faves

After such an exhausting semester, I was really looking forward to the holidays. Summer is not my favourite season, but oh my, did it feel good this year. We had a very hot summer here in Portugal (sadly, that caused a lot of forest fires), and I got to travel a lot, as well as getting some rest!

For today, I'll make a list of my favourite things this summer! (Can you already tell that I really like lists?)

1. My roadtrip to the Netherlands and Germany. I went there with my parents and sister and we visited not only the capital cities, but also many smaller towns and that might have been the best part. I love how rich traveling makes me, I love learning about myself when I'm outside of my "comfort zone", and when I come back from traveling, I feel more appreciative of my hometown and more thankful for my life.
2. My week in Cerveira, in the north of Portugal. I also went there with my family. The weather was SO NICE and I spent most of the time reading by the pool!
3. Getting to see friends who don't go to uni with me, taking walks with them, going to the beach...
4. My choir. In the last few weeks we've been doing lots of fun activities as a group and I'm so thankful for being a part of it (I have been so for 9 years!)
5. BOOKS. I've read Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, Eva Luna by Isabel Allende, Carry On by Rainbow Rowell and The Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante!

Well, now autumn/fall is coming and I'm so excited! I love seeing the leaves, wearing sweaters, and the feeling of imminent change :)

What were some of your favourites this summer?

love,

Mariana 

 

Blog-tember Day 2 - Goalsies

sooo... Today's prompt is all about goals! Since a new school year is about to start, this couldn't be a better topic. I really like establishing goals even though I may not accomplish every single one of them.

Here are some September goals for a very exciting year:

1. Joining a students association or something like that.
2. Making a plan for my piano studying that is compatible with my everyday life.
3. Taking on more responsibility with my choir and doing my best to improve it.
4. Meeting new people, no matter how hard it can be for me.
5. Not letting my anxiety keep me from living the life I deserve.
6. Doing my best at self-care no matter how hectic life gets.
7. I want to say yes to plans with the people I love most, and no to people who would make me feel less comfortable.
8. Being ok with my body, eating what feels right and working out just for the fun of it.
9. Staying in touch with the friends who matter the most.
10. Reading as many books as I can - this could go into the self-care category.

What are your goals for this school/work year?

love,

Mariana

Blog-tember Day 1 - All About Me

Hello there everybody!

September is here, and it brings autumn (my favorite season), the beginning of a new school year, lots and lots of changes... and the annual Blog-tember Challenge, hosted by Bailey of Love Bailey Jean!! It's the third year I try to participate on it. I can't promise that I'll do every prompt, but I'll do my best :)

curly hair, funny faces, traveling

To introduce myself, I'll make a list of 20 random facts about moi!

1. I'm a third year medical student
2. Before I decided to go to med school, I considered being a designer and a musician.
3. I'm a "wannabe pianist". I know that I'll never be a pro because my heart is on medicine, but I love the piano so much.
4. I also play the guitar and the ukelele (last year I mentioned that I was going to learn it and so I did!)
5. I sing and play the guitar at my church's youth choir.
6. This is the third laptop I've had this year, because the two previous ones (Lenovo) stopped working in the same way. I switched to a Mac and now I don't want to go back!
7. My favourite book ever is (still) The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Everytime I read it, it feels like coming home somehow.
8. I had an emo phase when I was around 15 (who didn't?) but my mum wouldn't let me dress up like an emo (thank God)
9. I have my driver's license, but I don't have a car, and I'm a very anxious driver so I don't drive my parents' car a lot.
10. I live 20 min away from the beach, so I go there a lot!
11. I don't have only one best friend, but many: my best friend from primary school, my best friend from middle school, my best friend from high school, and my two best friends at uni.
12. I'm a big fan of football (soccer)! My favourite team is FC Porto, we all support it in my family. Actually, the Portuguese National Team won the European Championship this year against France!
13. My favourite Olympic sport is gymnastics. I did rhythmic gymnastics for a year!
14. If I got the chance to be a child again, I'd start doing ballet so that I could become a ballerina.
15. My favourite band is Panic! at the Disco and I'd love to see them live.
16. I want to become a vegetarian, and I avoid eating meat outside my house, but I still haven't found it in me to stop eating the same stuff as my family.
17. I have an OBSESSION with books and I spend LOTS of money on them. Also, notebooks.
18. I love watching Youtubers, but I tend to prefer youtubers who approach more "serious" topics and who do covers, over funny youtubers or make-up channels. My favourites are Carrie Hope Fletcher and Dodie Clark.
19. Cooking is one of my main distractions when I'm studying.
20. I have a sister who is three years younger than me and she is pretty much the closest person to me in the world.

Well, I hope I left you guys curious! See you tomorrow for one more day of this Challenge ;)

Love,

Mariana 

The Worst Semester and How I Survived It

That's me, running away from responsibilities.

Hello buddies! Long time no see!

Right now, I'm on holidays and I have been for a little over a month. I've already spent a week in the north of Portugal sunbathing, swimming and doing photoshoots with my sister, and I've also done a roadtrip across the Netherlands and Germany!

But, before I get to that, I think I'll write about a very difficult time in my life, which was last semester, and how I overcame it keeping most of my sanity!

That semester was, academically, the MOST difficult I've ever had. Most of the subjects were not very interesting (I only enjoyed studying one of them) and they were all REALLY hard. Even some of those subjects which may seem easy at a distance brought me a lot of hardships. They required a lot of time and hard work, and, because I didn't find them as interesting as other semesters, I couldn't pay as much attention as I used to.

At the same time, I was practising for my piano exam, which I ended up failing. I gave up a lot of my "free" time for that exam, only to end up 7 points away from my grade 8 certification. However, I've sort of come to peace with the fact that I don't play for the diploma. Piano is a passion of mine, something that helps keeping me sane, and it shouldn't become another source of anxiety like it did this semester, only to break my heart in the end. I hope in the future I can find opportunities to play in public, but in the meantime, I'll keep playing just for the sake of it.

I also did volunteering as a part of my course. It was not an easy journey because, in this AWFUL semester, it took up a lot of my time, and my volunteering partner was not enthusiastic at all, which at first kind of deflated my excitement. We did volunteering at the hospital and our task was mainly to engage in conversation with the patients, which did not come to me as naturally as I'd hope. However, like everything in life, I got used to it and eventually learned to talk naturally. Despite a rocky start, I had a great experience, I met the loveliest volunteers, who were really friendly to us, and I think I learned a lot about how to be useful to people in the hospital context.

By Easter, I was this close to a mental breakdown. I made a big list of things to do: catching up on subjects, writing essays and doing presentations, studying for the piano exam... then I woke up on the first day of holidays, COMPLETELY sick. I ended up sleeping constantly for four days, unable to talk, with a bad pharyngitis. When I finally felt better physically, I panicked because I had accomplished nothing and there was no time. I was so anxious I could not organize myself, I ended up procrastinating and watching loads of TV instead of studying. For a month or so after that, I felt as if I was constantly stuck in the train tracks, waiting for the train to run me over. 

I kept going. I kept trying to revise, doing my essays and presentations, practising my piano pieces for 2h a day. And eventually I checked stuff off my to-do list. I can't say that those were happy times but I looked ahead (like Daenerys said, "If I look back I am lost") and got stuff done.

Then, exams came and thankfully, I passed every subject with good grades!! :D

From this very hard semester I learned that being organized is ideal! But sometimes stuff doesn't happen the way we want it to, and that doesn't mean it's all ruined. One day at the time, one thing at the time, even the most enormous to-do list can get done.

There were also very nice moments this semester, don't get me wrong! I went to quite a few parties, I threw a dinner party at my house for my class, I celebrated my birthday, and I strengthened many friendships. That was very important especially because I had recently gone through a breakup and needed some support and reassurance!

In the end, I can say that I survived a very hard semester and that it made me stronger and more ready to deal with stressful situations in the future!

lots of love,

Mariana